I have been working so hard for so long to get through school. Or at least it feels like so long. It has been since September, 2019. I have been working on my master’s program since September, 2019, a year and a half ago. I was overwhelmed from the very first assignment.
I would go through a cycle of anxiety pre-classes starting. Anxiety ebbing after the first week. Anxiety peaking again with big assignments. Half way through, I made a decision to just accept that I was going to get it all done and it was going to be stellar work. I finally realized and accepted that I do the same cycle of anxiety and calm before the storm, before I settle down and breathe through each bigger and more intense assignment.
Throughout most of this master’s program, I have been living through a pandemic as a psych nurse at a campus of group homes for the chronically and seriously mentally ill. It has meant increased work load from testing, vaccinating, exposures, and staffing crises. In addition, my family has experienced severe mental health crises.
Oh, and I went through a break up, production on my festival was shut down due to the pandemic, my social group had zero events, and my co-producer resigned. The festival lost a bunch of money due to circumstances beyond the scope of this blog and way more than i want to detail because sometimes you just gotta let it go.
Needless to say, my life was stressful. I had zero balance. I try to listen to audible books when I drive so I have some amusement. I found “get away moments” by zoning out watching mindless shows on Netflix, Prime, Hulu, where-ever, and overeating on crappy food. I did a couple 40 day yoga challenges. When I did it, it was wonderful and I felt better. I try to walk at least 3-4 times a week. I got outside sometimes, to find some grounding out with Mother Earth.
Most of those things were my saving grace, helping me to feel that I wasn’t just all work and no play. That was far from my story. I did find some fun and juicy. But I wasn’t doing much to take care of my body.
That is where I forgot how to find balance. I was stimulating, working, and enhancing my mind. I was finding ground, meditating, and doing some yoga to feed my spirit. I worked on my inner self, learning to forgive myself and others, reveling in a new love, embracing healthy boundaries and communication, and nurtured and embraced my emotions.
But my body? I was not taking care of my body. I could not find balance because I was not truly caring for my body. All parts of me are important and necessary. I am a complete woman. If I don’t care for all parts of myself, the other parts will suffer.
This week, I have remembered to take care of my body. I started fasting again. That always helps me to have more energy and feel better. I feel energized, spirited, motivated, and focused. On the day I broke my fast, I ate healthy food. I didn’t deprive myself but I ate as much healthy food as I wanted with a couple kisses for dessert. I have walked several times this week. I have done a least 15 minutes of yoga every day.
This trusty and strong vehicle that has served me so well for so long. If I hope to continue to dance, frolic, and find juicy, without experiencing chronic pain, I need to care for my body. It’s time to get in shape for work crews. I want to feel good, healthy, and juicy this festival. It’s time to get in shape for me so I remember to love this trusty and wonderful body. It’s time to find my balance again. So today I started doing HIIT again! HELL YES!
I feel so strong. I feel so accomplished. I feel so IN MY BODY and grateful. It was hard. I sweated. I took a bit longer breaks between the last couple sets. But i freaking did it.
I’m going to do it again. #dawnsjuicylife #mindbodyspiritemotions #balance
I DID THIS TODAY! Today was day 1. Who wants to join me for this 12 week Challenge?