got my ass kicked. still in the arena. just for today.

98% defeated. Or 98% redirected. 98% ready to just chuck it all in the fuck it bucket. 98% believing that it’s just not worth it anymore.2% opportunistic and believing.2%No comment or rah rah’s necessary.I have tried, and tried, and tried.Intentions are misconstrued. The same forgiveness and compassion is not equally extended.Double, triple, or quadruple standards levied depending on your original point of reference means either way you are fucked coming or going because you are never truly seen.Facebook, social media, and fucked up communications without any radical listening or understanding have shown me that what I believed was hapening and imporTANT are not important to anyone but me.Or at least the same compassion is only extended to people deemed worthy of the compassion.I’m not one of them.Whatever, whatever, i own my shit, how about you?#vaguebooking#dontcareanymoreI can with 100% truth report I have tried my best and have examined myself and will continue to do so.I have listened to critiques without the same courtesy being extended to me.I have rejected the summation while listening to the presentation and still have arrived at the same conclusion:you support it in theory and in big loud words but not in actual action.Every person has the best way to be and is willing to share that freely while not applying most of it to their own presentation.That’s okay.That’s really freaking okay.At night, i go to sleep still questioning myself becasue my trauma runs deep and i am more than willing to believe that I am the problem. Yet….if you are not in the mother fucking arena, why do i care what the fuck you say?Yeah, i pulled out a dirty brene brown quote.Get in he arena. Or get the fuck out of telling me how i’m doing it wrong.#ISaidWhatISaid

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