what happened

That shit really hurt. It hurt to hear you say things about me that haven’t been been present in so long. It hurt to hear you recount things about me when it’s not who i am anymore. It hurt to hear you not recount other things. It hurt to bear the brunt of the whole responsibility. It hurt to be on my own. It hurt to bite my tongue and listen. I listened without interruption. I listened without speaking. I listened without saying but what about. I listened without saying you aren’t around me, you don’t know. It hurt. I said nothing. I said nothing until you were done. And then when someone else joined the conversation, I summarized, no, I repeated verbatim every word you said about me. It hurt to have no one, not the one that just joined say that was not the story of recent years. It hurt. It hurts. It hurts and I’m crying so hard. It hurts that I am not seen. It hurts that I am the one responsible and the one that has gone back over and over and asked these questions. And yet, this time when the questions are asked they are most definitely asked to send me a message of my harmful behavior. That hurts. And yet, it was true. It was very true. There was more to the story. More that wasn’t seen. more that wasn’t discussed or revealed. But there was more. But I was the one that bore that guilt and responsibility for harmful and destructive behavior. I did it. I did. But I am so much more than that and that person and those things I did and said. I am more and I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. And then to have a meeting to discuss more organization and she is late. Said she would be 30 minutes late but she was 32 minutes late. Once again, I am small and insignificant. I can’t say a word because we are in a break up and I must take the higher road and yet. My time is valuable too. And these meetings were not my idea. But here we are. Here we fucking are. And I want to have it peaceful. I want to be peaceful. I want all to be well. But is my time worth anything? Is it just me overreacting? Am i crazy again? Am I crazy again? Jesus fucking christ.

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