Hump Day

Hump day. What does that even mean? We are halfway through the work week and we are “over the hump”? We get to hump? It’s a silly expression invoking camels and bumping uglies in the night. Oh well. Either way, camels are funny and funky creatures and humping is delightful.

Reminder to myself what the intention of this blog: to learn my strengths, vision, and mission and how I am going to enact that in my life. The goal is to learn this and manifest this:

I am a conscious creator and I have power and ability to create the life I most desire.

In my complaining log, I realized there were several instances of complaining today.

I was complaining (internal dialogue or with a friend) about the injustice of not getting hazard pay because I am not considered a “frontline worker”. Although I can’t remote in to do my job, I do not qualify for the incentivized pay. Although, today I received a call from a dietician, working from home. This individual didn’t respond to the referral for over a week in regards to a brittle diabetic. When she called, she requested my assistance in coordinating a phone call for assessment purposes for this client. It should take 45 minutes. To prepare for her assessment, I provided her with the labs I had obtained, her most current office visit notes, recent blood sugars, and her medication list. Then I coordinated the call to find out that I will be implementing her orders, coordinating with the food purchaser for campus, getting orders from primary doc, and providing education. While she is at home and I am not frontline. Yeah, I complained about this. Yet, it was not the first time complaining. It is an injustice. It is unfair. It is a crock of fucking bullshit and it pisses me the fuck off.

however, it is also the reality and I don’t have much control over it. Right now. Right now, I don’t have any control over it. But that will not always be my story. I will be done with my education in one year. After that, I will be able to go where I want to go because the demand will be large for my services. In the meantime, between time, complaining produced an overall feeling of yuck and madness. It tainted my interactions with other people. Or it could have and it has in the past, but this time, I was aware of it. I was paying attention to my complaining. It was unproductive and it can contribute to me staying stuck. STaying stuck in the position. STaying stuck in the feeling. Staying stuck in poor behavior, rudeness, shortness, with coworkers, you know, “i just had such a stressful day, I didn’t mean it”. Yeah, I have used that justification and rationalization for shitty attitude and lack of patience with the people I work with and work for. #stopthemadness #beingawareispowerful

There were three other instances of unproductive complaining. They were short lived. they were nonverbal. But my mind and spirit and body knows. I know that I was mentally complaining. I’m glad to be aware.

The next exercise for the next week is going to be practicing ritual forgiveness (Thanks, Rha Goddes, “The Calling”). I have chosen to forgive myself. I can only save myself. But by saving myself, I can be available to assist and serve others. #selfcareiscrucial #selflove #findingthejuicy

First I acknowledge the injury I have sustained by myself to myself. I acknowledge that I have made poor choices in men, women, life, and situations which resulted in hurting myself. I acknowledge that I chose running in relationships that did not serve me or my kids resulted in broken and bent relationships in my family. I acknowledge that I avoided my responsibilities by chasing a feeling, mostly a feeling from a toxic relationship to avoid the work i needed to do on myself. I acknowledge that I didn’t like myself and I wasn’t good to myself. I acknowledge that I not a very loving person to myself. I acknowledge that I used poor coping skills, bad language, self defense, and attack to hide from myself. I acknowledge that I blamed others, including my kids (having so many),parents, ex-husband, exes, and employers for my circumstances causing me internal shame. #findingmyjuice

I release and let go. I forgive what no longer serves me. I am ready to embrace all of who I am and all of whom I am meant to be. I release and let go as I make room to embrace all of whom I am meant to be.

I acknowledge that I am not that same person. I acknowledge that I have done extensive and ongoing introspective work. I acknowledge that I was and am doing the best can with what I have and what I had. I acknowledge that I give others second, third, and fourth chances at getting it right. I acknowledge that I am just as worthy of forgiveness and letting it go and moving forward as anyone else. I acknowledge and accept that I am worthy of moving forward with my life. Letting go of past hurts, frustrations, and anger at myself for the job I have done in the past.

I release and let go. I forgive what no longer serves me. I am ready to embrace all of who I am and all of whom I am meant to be. I release and let go as I make room to embrace all of whom I am meant to be.

I acknowledge that I have learned conflict resolution. I acknowledge that I have learned more communication tools and skills. I acknowledge that I have more knowledge, experience, and wisdom that ever before in my life. I acknowledge that I am compassionate, caring, dedicated, loyal, caring, smart, and committed to those I love and causes I care about including my friends, family, job, and community. I acknowledge I have learned to be a better person and the best is yet to come.

I release and let go. I forgive what no longer serves me. I am ready to embrace all of who I am and all of whom I am meant to be. I release and let go as I make room to embrace all of whom I am meant to be.

it is complete. I am complete. I am whole. I am pure love. I am pure light. I am pure magic. I am not pure at all. I am bits and pieces and specks and glitter and gold and diamonds and dirt. I am all that needs to be and all that will be and yet, there is more, so much more, to come. Because as I continue to love and forgive myself, my most desired life will be revealed. I will cherish it, just like I cherish myself. #loveyourself #iloveme

In my pursuit to become the best me, I am working my spirit and soul and my body. Please join me if the spirit moves you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s