I was asked the following questions in response to my blog of 5.10.2020. Thank you for the questions. Time to go to work! Thanks, Sister, for your questions and your gratitude! Blessings on being a woman, forgiving, giving, and introspective. #findingmyjuice
why did you start MFR? what was the catalyst. the final fuck it let’s see what happens if we try point. We, Monica Murray and myself, decided to have MFR 2016 because women were so sad as they realized they were not creating their MWMF pile in the spring of 2016, as they had done for so many years. We decided that we would just try to have a gathering in my back yard and try to book some performers. We scribbled some thoughts and ideas on some napkins and in our notes in our iphones while we sat at an Ani diFranco concert in Grand Rapids, MI. Interesting how our work has circled back to the Grand Rapids area after diverting to Eagle, MI, for a year.
why did you become a nurse? I became a nurse because I wanted to be a homebirth midwife. My training as a homebirth midwife involved an apprenticeship at a freestanding birth center. If you aren’t aware, let me tell you, apprentiseship does not pay. As a single mother of 8 children, I needed an income and I needed it fast. My balloon mortgage was about to expire and I needed to refinance which is difficult to do when you are only getting $400 a month in child support and you don’t have any other source of income. LIfe was challenging, to say the least. However, going back to school to get a nursing degree seemed to be the most logical step to get an income that was in alignment with my original goals and vision. Going to Lansing Community College, taking my pre-reqs, getting into nursing school (1st try, baby!), and graduating from nursing school, changed my life in so many ways. Some day I will write the ways that becoming a nurse shaped me into the woman I am today.
what do you see. really see when you look into the mirror–a fat girl. I hate even “saying” that out loud. But it is true. I see a fat girl with messy hair. Obviously, I have more work to do on myself and my vision of myself.
when you consider your life so far. what lessons will you take with you going forward. would you do anything different or do you find peace in believing everything has led you to where you are now. Lessons I would take forward: if you think you should leave a situation (abusive or not), then start working towards leaving. Make the plans, do the work to leave the situation. As my children have become adults and I hear the stories they tell of what they experienced as a child in our home, I wish I had left sooner. I knew I should leave sooner but I thought I had to “make it work”, “live the life of the cross”, “offer it up”, “divorce is a sin”. I believed the patriarchy. I believed the Catholic church. I believed I would damn myself and my children if I left. The lesson is that I did more damage to all of us by staying longer. I am not regretful and I would not change anything because the last couple years gave me a couple more babies that I love and adore. But I will carry that lesson forward and apply it to other situations that cause me to doubt myself and my gut intuition.
I have found peace with those decisions and the path my life has taken because I have continued to search for the lesson and the strengths that I grew and learned because of the choices and lack of choices I made in those days.
when you sit and you’re quiet. what do you hear? who’s voice tells you the truth and who’s voice(s) lie to you? When I sit quiet, it is very rare that I hear anything other than my voice, reminding of things to do, things to remember, goals that I want to achieve, what is my vision? what is my calling? what is my job? what am I doing next? why am i fat? why do i not take care of myself? Yes, I have a running stream of me supporting me, uplifting me, and also bashing me and body shaming me.
do you really have any idea of the light? of the power? of the magic you possess? Sometimes. Sometimes, I feel power from me. Sometimes I feel my magic. Sometimes.
What have i been telling myself isn’t possible? Would I be willing to reconsider? Hmmmmm interesting question. It is impossible to pay the bills and do something I love. It is impossible to have fun all day long and get paid. It is impossible to be supported. It is impossible to get what I want. Yes, I want to consider it all possible. I want to believe in magic. I want to believe in a supportive community. I want to believe that my vision will be revealed, possible, and supported.
Imagine my desire…feel it, envision it, write about, then put it down, and carry on. For the next 10 days, I will reread my desire/vision. Check in with me in 10 days. Write it down.
My desire, my vision, my want is to be a leader in a women’s community. My desire is to create events and productions that gather women together that highlight their power and strengths. My vision is to empower women to love each other, support each other, and together build a community of advocacy for other women. My desire is to live in community in the woods, separatist women’s community but also travel and promote community and build more of these spaces throughout the world. My desire is to speak professionally to motivate, inspire, and create the willingness and desire for women to transform their lives. I want my work to support me in abundance, allowing for travel, generosity, and prosperity for myself and the community I serve.
that was a lot and I am thankful that I got through these questions.
#findingmyjuice #findingthejuicy #livingmybestlife
I am learning a lesson from my chicken, Gaye. Gaye is the lone survivor of a brood of 14 chickens that were systematically taken out by a variety of country predators. She was never very social but since she learned to live in solitary, her habits have changed. When I left for Houston, I discovered that she was the lone survivor after another attack (coons, possums, or hawk??? Idk) that took out her last two sisters. I thought Gaye would be dead when I got home from Houston but she has survived. Since that time, she went through molting which made her look like a complete chicken bum (do your hair, girl!!). She has survived predators in and out of the coop. She has regrown her feathers. She has learned to coexist with the cat and dogs on the deck. She is really living her life. She is now laying eggs again! We are getting 5 eggs a week from the old broad.
Gaye has taught me that even when all of your sisters and friends seem to be gone, there are other people (dogs & cat) that are supportive. She has taught me that being the lone survivor does not mean surviving alone. She has taught me that you can survive a barrage of predatory attacks and still not get your feathers in a ruffle, or if they are ruffled, they will settle down, with time and silence. She has taught me that even when it seems you are alone, you can survive, rise, and THRIVE (and produce eggs, even if you think you are too old!).