Today is Tuesday. Two more weeks left of the current stay home stay safe executive order. There will be Two more weeks, at least of uncertainty of the direction of our health, our lives, our economy, spiritual, emotional, and our mental health.
I thought I slept well. I thought I was well rested. I thought I was ready for the day. I did forget to take my adaptogenic mushrooms which help me with energy, immune boosting, and mental focus. I am surprised but it seemed to have truly contributed to my lack of get up and go and my lack of focus today. I just could not seem to snap my mind back into focus.
I tried setting timers for each task that I wanted to work on. My goals were to finish a paper for Leadership class. I was able to finish the content of the paper with the reference page. Now I just need adapt it to a power point presentation and record myself presenting. Easy peasy. My brain feels extremely bulgy, big, and beautiful at this point in the semester.
I wanted to get some writing and research done for the Evidence-based practice class but my brain just kept freezing. Then it shattered into a million pieces. Then it just seemed to melt all over. Then the drops separated and disconnected. What I mean to say is that I just couldn’t keep coherent thoughts connected together to write down ideas. I couldn’t focus.
I’m not sure why I couldn’t focus. I was a little thinking about Covid. But I was also thinking of the discombobulation and indecisiveness of the direction and status of MFR. It’s hard sitting in limbo, not knowing whether to move forward and set up for the festival or whether to commit to taking classes this summer.
I don’t want to drop the classes if I won’t be producing the festival. I want to continue in forward motion but am unsure which direction I will be going. It’s a drain on my brain and on my spirit. Shoot. It also makes my body tired because work crews every weekend are physically exhausting. The work keeps my spirit healthy though so there is a pay off to the exhaustion.
Which is the round about way of saying that this energy of waiting and wondering. Not knowing how the novel virus will twist, turn, and continue to mutate our lives.
Wait and see. Be cautious. Be masked. Be prepared. Wait and see.
It’s not a comfortable position to be in. It keeps adrenal on the ready. It keeps our spirits and energy hyped. Wait and see. Ready to react. Ready to act. Wait and see. Prepare. Be masked. Wait and see. Check the numbers. Wear your mask. Wait and see.
And loving and caring and feeling so hard. That’s what I am feeling right now too. Loving my community, worrying about my residents, feeling for my staff, loving and missing my family and friends. Feeling everything so hard. I miss everyone.
I couldn’t motivate myself to do yoga. Although I did my daily 26 frog squats. Simultaneously, the frog squats strengthen my glutes and inner thighs while stretching my hips and hammies. I love multi-purpose movements. Yoga is my friend and I want to reconnect but my spirit continues to fight me.
I go with the flow. The flow tells me to come home. The sun is out. Enjoy the sun and the blessing of a borrowed power washer and take the time to powerwash my deck.
Yes, I did. I scrubbed it up and down. Then connected the powerwasher. Fired that baby up and powerwashed the deck. Scrubbed it some more and sprayed it down again. It wasn’t all me though. I got to give credit where credit is due. Thank you bestie for always being a sport and stepping up to help me. I appreciate you!
While scrubbing the deck, the monstrous pile of brush, mattress, and table were torched. Since I had the sprayer out, I figured might as well torch the monster pile. Poof!
It burned up quickly. And my yard is cleaner. My deck is cleaner.
I didn’t follow any of my plan for the day.
Yet, here is what I did do.
I worked 9 hours today helping people manage their meds and mental health. I talked to a lot of people. I reached out. I connected. I touched lives.
I wrote content for one paper.
I talked to more people. I power washed my deck and burned my brush pile. I sat in the hot tub and enjoyed the space. I prayed for numerous people.
I took the time to enjoy the sun on my face. I spoke kindly. I vented without being bitchy. I was a good friend.
I am proud of myself for today. I am proud of myself for allowing myself a bit of a break to make and change plans as my spirit needed to be.
I also allowed myself to be comforted and consoled and reassured. I accepted it.
I remembered the lessons of Houston: sit in uncomfortable feelings and no fast movements.
It was a successfully juicy day. Unexpected, unplanned, and uncomfortable but juicy day.