When a change happens, things change. Which is a super simple statement that can encompass so many different things. But it all starts with the decision that something has to change AND I want to do things differently. When the decision is made to do something different, really making the decision, and willing to do things differently, everything will change.
I co-produce a women’s event with my former girlfriend and now current business partner. It was a rough going for most of the time of both our personal endeavor and our business venture. It has been tumultuous, chaotic, raw, painful, wonderful, glorious, and god-awful. We both were sick of being sick of ourselves individually and jointly.
We made the decision to break up. it was long. It was messy. It was not linear. It was painful. It is painful. It is rough as fuck. It’s ongoing but changed. We are broken up. But we are not finished. We still have a baby to raise together and that is going to take some change and some work on my part and on hers.
We made the decision to do something different. Wait.
I made the decision to do something differently. I decided to accept the break up. I decided to accept that we will not work it out. I decided to accept my lack of control over the toxicity of the situation. I decided to work on me even more.
I decided that if I am going to try to figure out a way to work with her in peace to build this space. This space that is for womyn and by womyn. This space of MFR. This container of safe space for womyn. This container that holds community, connection, friendship, knowledge, and power. If we are to build this space together for other womyn, it is imperative (for me and I can only speak for me) for me to find and build that space with this womyn, this womyn that I used to love romantically, now I will love and call my syster.
Maybe now, we can truly love. Maybe now, we can truly learn to appreciate each other because all that is left is this baby. And if this baby means anything to either one of us, and I do believe it means a fuck ton to both of us, I am choosing to believe that we both have this baby’s best interest in mind.
Co-parenting our child will require trust. It will require patience.
It will require a complete revamping of all of my beliefs that frame my interactions with her.
Things that would have angered and frustrated me as a girlfriend are no longer my concern. Things that I framed a certain way with certain expectations of a certain placement are shattered.
Nothing is the same. It feels good to try to look at it with different eyes. It actually feels really wonderful to believe the best about someone, most especially about someone that I have cared about and shared great memories. We did things together and that is a bond but it has changed and I have decided to be okay with that. I am going to learn how to raise the baby with someone. I am going to trust. I am going to ask questions and not assume the answers. I am going expect the best and be happy with happy.
I am finding my juicy again. Once again, MFR is changing my life.
#stillgrowing #findingthejuicy #livingmybestlife #lifeisgood
While we were at the farm today, my partner (business partner, that is! lol weird but cool) and I were out in the woods, listening and being present.
I watched and felt the wind pushing those big 40 year old pines. Swaying them and bending them, but only slightly at the top fourth of the tree. But the interesting thing I noticed is that the outside trees took the majority of the hit of the wind. They swayed big. But the inner trees moved but almost imperceptibly. They were protected by the outer trees who took the brunt. I believe some of us are called to be those warriors, standing guard on the perimeter, protecting their inner circle. I believed I am called to do that. I believe she might be called to do it too. We build spaces and we protect the space and its contents. We do important work together. We created it together. We will raise it together. I like that. That is also, weird but totally cool. Just learning to wrap my brain around a brand new paradigm. #changingmystory
We saw deer today. We also saw turkeys. Because we were there to do a walk about, dreaming and scheming about the Year of the Dragyn season, we wandered and we also were open to nudges from our Mother Earth. She always will send us reminders if we pay attention. I appreciated that she wanted to do that with me. When I saw the deer I got excited about what it meant for our journey.
The meanings associated with the deer combine both soft, gentle qualities with strength and determination:
- Ability to move through life and obstacles with grace
- Being in touch with inner child, innocence
- Being sensitive and intuitive
- Vigilance, ability to change directions quickly
- Magical ability to regenerate, being in touch with life’s mysteries
We also saw turkeys. I love turkeys. Lol dorky non-flying birds that they are, I love seeing them there loving and getting what they need from Mother.
The symbolism of the Turkey focuses on the connection with the Earth and the abundance it provides. Generally, it symbolizes:
- Connection with the spirit of the land, with Mother Earth
- Blessings from the Earth
- Forms of nourishment in our life
- Harvesting the fruits of your efforts and your work
- Importance of community
- Generosity, sharing
- Having enough in our life, satisfaction
It’s going to be a good mo-fo season, yo???!!!!!
Our Mother blessed us today with powerful messages. Tonight is a full moon. We are blessed and abundant.
May Michigan Framily Reunion, Year of the Dragyn, be abundantly juicy and joyful. We ask for abundant sisters showing up gaining in juicy knowledge, skills, and connection. We ask that we operate from a space of love and community working towards a common goal and working our best, in trust and commitment to partnership and community, to have a juicy festival. Blessed be.