Today was a good day

I am taking some space for me. I am filling my space with me. The space has been filled with fear and worry and insecurities. I have breathed in.

I am ready to fill myself with myself.

I am ready and willing to breathe in deeply. With that fresh and full breath, I envision what I really want to do. What do I want to do? How do I want to be?

I am feeling weightless right now. Recently, I was blessed with a hot tub. It’s installed in my basement. It’s not a pretty setting but I strung some twinkling lights which give it a very sweet and magical ambiance. And it’s a hot tub in my basement. That’s magical and juicy. I float and I float and my body is light and free. That is how I feel today. Free and light and floaty.

I have given myself permission to re-explore parts of me that have been bent and bruised in the past. The fear of being alone has been deeply ingrained in me. The thought of being by myself and responsible for everything seemed so daunting. But truthfully, I have been handling my shit for 15 years solo. There have been many supportive people along the way and I am deeply and whole-bodily grateful for the people that loved me up along my journey.

However, I was still handling my life on my own. Yet, I gave away a significant amount of my power with my fear of being completely with my emotions without someone to rescue me from…me? my feelings of unworthiness and undesirability? That’s part of it.

I used to become overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. Now, it’s not so bad. I have waves of grief and sadness and anger. Waves that come and quickly recede.

I’m doing okay. And I am not trying to mask that or minimize or escape it.

I am sitting squarely in me and my feelings.

That’s a pretty powerful thing.

I spent time on the farm. All alone wandering around doing a live video and just talking. Being my goofy self.

It was a gorgeous trip in the snow and a helluva hike.

Life is good and I am floating. I can choose to dock. Or I can choose to not dock. I can float. I can put my feet down. Or I can keep floating. I can grab onto something with my arms and embrace it. Or I can continue to float.

I’m thankful for breathing in and filling myself with myself dispelling the fears, darkness, and cloud so I can

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