It’s time to start again. Rewrite. Do it again. Start over. Or rather, I am starting on a new adventure that might involve me traveling to old territory but hoping to also, explore and find new ways to be in my skin and in myself.
I started this lifetime when I started my new job in Grand Rapids. My life took a definite turn that involved negotiating a longer commute and annoying construction. I have learned to cherish my home time and the times I do not have to do any substantial driving. It has also meant learning to live on a more consistent basis at Moldy, the beautifully old motor home.
My new life also has involved learning to live as a mother in a new capacity. My daughter moved to another state leaving a void in my home life. My other (adult) daughter moved home from Las Vegas. My teenage son has decided to live elsewhere. While all of these involved layers of hurt and sadness, it also means learning to live as an independent woman with no responsibilities at home.
I am not experiencing empty nesting because two of my adult children rent rooms from me. They are home and keep me company as…friends? I am not sure what they are exactly. I know they are more roommates than daughters, though. At least in the sense of me being responsibility for their care and day to day needs. I probably haven’t been needed by any of the kids for a very long time but they were still minors and under my care, also, I wanted to be around the little sh**s.
Now I am free. I am free to come and go in my home as I wish. I am free to come home or not come home. I am free to eat out every night. I am free to hang out. I am free to have company or meetings or walk around naked in my home.
That’s all fine and good. I had to find a new way. I had to figure out how this new independence fits on me. It isn’t really too comfortable. I have been raising kids for 28 years. 28 years of my life I have pregnant, breastfeeding, homeschooling, cleaning up others’ messes, cooking for a tribe, chauffeuring, shopping, cooking, cleaning, caretaking, teaching, loving, being actively involved with raising another human, hoping they will turn out to be decent adult humans.
I am settling into my new life. I have had my cries. I have had my hurt feelings. I have had my training and the time to settle into this new life. Tried it on. I might like it. I choose to like the fuck out of it.
Part of being in Grand Rapids most nights now (to avoid the long commute every day of the week), is to find something to do with myself while I am in Grand Rapids. There isn’t TV or internet at the farm. I can read but the chairs aren’t that comfortable. I decided to start searching for live music in Grand Rapids. I have wanted to start meeting people in Grand Rapids for awhile and I want to find local performers for MFR. Two birds and one stone.
There is LIVE MUSIC and an OPEN MIC every single night of the week in Grand Rapids!!! There is so much music, culture, and activities happening, all the time.
I have gone to two open mics. I have gone to a new series called Wine, Women, and Song featuring all female performers. The two open mics were not really busy and did not have any female performers. I will keep trying.
More importantly, the universe has revealed that it is time for me to start taking actions again. It’s time for ME to get up on that open mic. I want to speak. I want to motivate people. I want to help people to transform. I need to speak and I need to practice speaking.
Well shit, Universe. Why do you give me all the hard tasks? Why do I have to keep growing, evolving, changing, becoming?
OH!!! That’s right. Because I have been asking what? how? who? about my life for a while now. When I asked the questions of myself (and the universe) about directing my life to my vision, I was fired from my job. I asked and I think I was too scared to take the leap while still visualizing that future. Boom. Decision made for me.
Now, I am asking to become a speaker. Boom. Universe is providing me with the space to make it real for me.
I think the best question is
I hear you, Universe. I am listening to me.
It’s time to work. In the past, I have had success with training my mind by starting with training my body. I started a fast today to cleanse my body so it will be emptier. I cleanse my body so I will be able to be more open to receiving. I also started doing kundalini yoga again.
I also went to the gym and did this killer work out. I sweated a lot. I feel a little out of shape but I know that by starting, I am already increasing my physical well being and health.
I finished my gyn time with a yummy and gentle stretching yoga. I also did the massage lounge and the massage chair. I loved me hard today because
So are you. Love you. Love you hard because you are so fucking worth it. Start your new life today. Be you. Be a better you. #findingthejuicy #lovingmehard #fallinlovewithmyselfagain #iloveme #workinghard #mylifeisjuicy