I don’t have a lot of insights today. It was a Monday. I went in to work a little bit stressed out. I realize that every time I go back to work after a little bit of time off, even if it is just the weekend causes me anxiety. I have a lot of fear left over in me that I am not worthy and that I will lose my job, somehow. Even though I am quite aware of the feeling and the cause, it still causes me varying degrees of anxiety. #stillworking #evolving #whatsmystory #iamenough
Now, yesterday, yesterday was a most excellent day. I didn’t go anywhere. I stayed home all day long. I putzed around my house. I devoted the day to my home. I’m not the first one to realize that by tidying my external surroundings, my internal world will be soothed. And if not soothed, I might find a little more clarity.
I worked in my normal fashion in a circular fashion. Or what I like to call the hummingbird method. I start in one location cleaning and organizing then I follow a rabbit trail with something like taking a box to the storage in the basement so then I organize for 14 minutes in the basement until I need to go back upstairs. When I get upstairs, I might remember what I was doing but if I don’t, there will be another pile of stuff to organize, store, or throw away.
It was cathartic. It was peaceful. I like purging things. I like simplifying. I like decluttering. I like getting rid of things and feeling lighter and more free. As I went through paperwork and put everything in its proper place, I started to feel more orderly in my life. I organized various cupboards and drawers. I threw away equipment that will never be used. I repurposed wires for other uses.
I started losing weight. I didn’t lose weight physically, although I got in 12000+ steps yesterday. I started shedding paperwork and books. I disposed of boxes and washed storage totes. I consolidated items and found lost items. I kept working. I kept cleaning.
I was supposed to work out with Aurora yesterday. We made a commitment to do a weekly Tug of War training video for the MFR group. We didn’t get to that work out. She was busy organizing her life. I was busy organizing mine from the outside in. I didn’t complete the job. But I made such good headway that I was on a natural high, feeling most buoyant and light, knowing that things were in their proper place so I could pay attention to things in my life instead of being distracted by clutter.
It was the perfect work out. Even though, it wasn’t a strenuous, vigorous, physical work out, it was mental work out, mental training. Before entering any challenge, whether it is physical or mental, it is important for me (and maybe you too) to clean out bad habits, toxins, clutter, BAGGAGE. For me to function, optimally, physically, emotionally, and mentally, I needed to rid myself of some baggage. I am not done but I have made good headway.
Tonight, I did yoga with yoga with Aurora. Again, it wasn’t the most rigorous physical work out. But it was good mentally. I feel more prepared for the Tug of War. I feel more prepared for the rest of my life. #tuneup #findingthejuicy