Less than a week until i am 51 years old. I feel pretty good about that. Happy Birthday to me.
I miss working out. I miss having the time during my lunch (what lunch??) to work out and sweat. I miss going for walks. I miss yoga. I miss loving myself through physical activity, focused physical activity.
I have spent my time and energy on MFR. And changed jobs and my new job doesn’t provide me with the same benefits that allowed me lunch time workouts. I still think I am better off at my new position. The new job is also a longer drive. I have found more peace in the new position but I haven’t found the space yet for physically working out. The time is coming though.
the rest of my energy has been my love child, Michigan Framily Reunion. It is truly the love of my heart and body. I spend so much time physically, emotionally, and spiritually working on MFR. Not all of it is easy or comfortable, so it seems a weird choice for a hobby. I’m gonna be real, most of it is uncomfortable.
This year, our budget has taken a couple hits. I am worried about paying the bills. Each expense that comes in makes me cringe a little bit. I struggle with believing the universe is abundant and what the fuck, how’m I gonna pay dis bill? I continue to pay the bills, even when it scares me quite a bit. I reassure myself of my belief in abundance. I struggle but I continue to act as if…as if the money is rolling in because the tickets are going to sell out. As if we are hitting all of those milestones we set for our festival this year. As if, if we build it, they will come. I do believe it too. Sometimes I forget. I try to get myself realigned with abundance as soon as I can though. Believing anything else is just plain stupidity. I don’t want to live my life in fear. I want to create beauty and magic. That takes belief, trust, and some daringness. check. Check. CHECK.
It’s messy work out at the farm. It’s messy and hard. My hands ache. I have poison ivy up the backs of my thighs. It’s in my butt crack. I itch a lot. I love it. Not the poison ivy. I don’t ever love that. But I love working and clearing and making that space lovely for womyn to come and enjoy. I absolutely love it. I love finishing a day and being hot, nasty dirty, sweaty, freaking gross. I love taking a shower with my sisters in the woods and talking about what bad asses we are. And we are bad asses, that’s for sure. The things us womyn do in the woods is fucking bad assery to the nth degree. #badasswomyn
It’s messy producing a festival. Someone told me once that producing a women’s festival is like herding cats. Herding fucking cats is just about right. Just imagine herding cats. Fucking cats have their own mind. Fucking cats hiss if they feel like it. Cats change their minds. Cats have a mind. Cats do what they want. Yes, producing a women’s music festival is very much like herding cats. And I love it. I love finding a better way to communicate. I love ranting about the ridiculous requests and I love finding a way to say yes. I love herding cats. Herding cats is my life #yeehawkitties #herdingcatsismylife #fuckingcats #ilovewomyn
It’s messy being a festival for womyn born womyn. It is taking a stand that trans women are different than women that are born with female sex parts. MFR is built by women that were born with female parts. It is built for women that were born with female parts. Right now, trans allies are systematically attacking MFR’s page links with the question, “what do you mean women born women” and finish it with the argument that trans women are born women. I will gladly fight for trans women and all people’s rights to health care, education, jobs, etc. but I also believe and support that they have a unique experience being born in a man’s body while believing they are women. Likewise, women that are born with female parts and are socialized as women have a separate and unique experience. Neither is more right but both deserve to set their own boundaries of their experience which deserves validation, respect, and be honored. That is what we are doing at MFR. We are honoring the experience of being born and socialized as women in a patriarchal world. This is not an easy path to take but it is done in love and not hate. It is done for love of women. It is done for love of pussy. It is done for love of keeping women safe and honoring their experience.
MFR is currently being attacked and threatened to be burned and to die right now for our stance on WBW festival by trans allies. We are being threatened and called nazis for wanting a space of our own. We do it for the love of women. #lovewomyn #lovewomen #wbw #myboundaries #mfrmagic19
Those are my loves right now. None of which are pie in the sky, lovey dovey, mushiness. Love is tough. #lovelove I love what I do and I love my life. I will continue working hard for my loves and I will operate and work towards my vision and love of women.