I forgot I celebrate the whole month. I forgot that I don’t need anyone else around to celebrate me. I forgot that I can love me better than anyone else can love me. I forgot that I am complete and whole and enough to love me through and through. I forgot that if I put my reliance on being okay, loved, secure outside of myself. I forgot myself. I forgot my power. I forgot my growth. I forgot.
I’ve been in this holding pattern waiting for some affirmation to move forward. I thought I needed permission to be free and independent. Maybe this seems silly to you because I am quite a decisive, assertive, and powerful woman.
Yes, for the most part I am great at being strong. I am supportive to friends and family. I pull stuff together. I hold things together including myself most of the time. I have mini meltdowns that are fewer and further in between. I get into the solution. I help my friends get out of funks. I take care of me, my kids, my community, and most everyone around me.
Yet, I frequently feel alone and lonely. I frequently feel less than and I let myself be bounced around emotionally because somehow, somewhere I got this belief that I need someone to make me complete. My words don’t say that. My words say I got this. My words say I am independent. And truly, I am independent. I sleep alone every night. I wake alone every morning. I pay my own bills. I find my own entertainment. I fix my own things. I hold myself together. I do it alone for the most part. And I actually like being independent.
But somehow I got myself. Yes, I got myself, my brain, my heart, my beliefs, into this space of being in a holding pattern. Waiting for affirmation from an external source. Waiting for permission to move forward. Waiting for something that proves I am okay. Waiting for something that proves (to me) that I am loved and enough.
Okay. Let me break this down (for me). My actions show that I GOT THIS.
But my emotions tell me…just wait and you will be worthy. Just be patient, and you will get the love you want. The intimacy and the connection will come if I do blah, blah, blah, 1, 2, 3. Again, these are silent beliefs that are dictating my actions and have prompted me to basically give up my power.
So in honor of the 2nd day of my birth month, I have reminded myself that I am worthy.
I am loved and worth it. I am doing it. I am lovely. I am loved.
I am reminding myself of all the truths about me that I have known and forgotten.
My friends and community love me. They support me. I GOT THIS.
I do not have to find love and confirmation of being loved from outside of me. I know all of this. I KNOW ALL OF THIS. I just forgot. Today i remember. Today I remember my fall in love with me challenge. I reinstate that challenge to myself
I challenge myself to LOVE ME in a special way every day this month. Because I am worth it. If I don’t love me the way I want to be loved, then why would anyone else? AND, the way I talk to myself and allow others to talk to me and treat me is indicative of the love I have for myself.
Onward to my 51st birthday! I love me. I will keep findingthejuicy. I will keep loving me. So I can love YOU even better. #findingthejuicy #loveme #fallinlovewithme