Come to me, you will find me

I had a wonderful productive day at work today. I’m not just talking about my job as a program nurse. I am also talking about my job to produce and promote Michigan FRamily Reunion. It’s production time so it’s time to kick up my energy.

It’s been a weird year of preparation. I didn’t have the same level of drive and enthusiasm and high energy passion. It’s not that I wasn’t excited about MFR and what it is and what we are doing as a community. I think it was more a matter of feeling like I was in a state of flux and change. My personal life has been topsy turvy. My work life has changed in a huge way. I had huge stress in both areas, work and personal.

Because of the changes in my personal life, I have spent more time with friends. My family is all growing up so while I used to be home with the kids in some form or fashion, that is not my story anymore. If I am home, they are either in their rooms or gone to work or friends. We don’t spend any time together.

Since my kids are all grown up and making their own lives, It makes me very happy that I have found a wonderful support group and community through L2L and my sisters of MFR. They are my dearest and closest sisters. They have listened to my rants, woes, tears, laughter, love, giddiness, and silliness. They are there for me through everything. And they are willing to give it to me if I need to be held accountable. I love them. And it has been wonderful finding these jewels in my life. I have had to call on them a lot and they have stepped up with love and support as my personal life falls apart on a regular basis. they love me up and encourage me. They help me stay strong to do the important work that I am doing building MFR. I don’t do it alone, no, never alone. All of us are building this magical thing of MFR and a community of women. It’s a lot of work and it’s not always fun and easy. I’m glad we have each other. #findingthejuicy

The support and love that I was given during the stressful parts of my life keep me forever grateful and feeling blessed but it is still very hard to stay focused on building a festival and a community when I’m busy trying to hold everything else together while maintaining peace and serenity. Because that has been my goal this year, to find some peace and serenity and learn to “let it be”. I wanted to learn to respond and act in love and not react in fear, hurt, panic, or anger. I wanted to learn to be calm and kind and lead with love. I am learning how to do just that. Even in the midst of the turmoil, in the minute, in the thick of it, I have learned to pause and breathe. I have learned to not respond in hurt and expectation.

I have learned, yes, to do all that. I am learning every day to practice a more loving existence. But the process takes time and energy and while the universe is abundant, I have not yet found myself in the vortex of unlimited energy for all things. My energy for MFR has been there, constant and strong, but it has felt diminished in comparison to other years. But I am not sure if that is because I am not such a hot head, wasting energy through my stupid fights and defenses.

Now, I am getting more and more excited. We are getting closer. I am different. I am changed. I am changing. I am powerful and peaceful. I am raging but not in a way that I have ever raged before. I am chanting and summoning and conjuring just as before but more and less and perfect in a way that it has not been before.

Preparations have been different. A whole new set of crew that has become my framily. A whole new gathering of women that love and support each other. Sometimes that is razzing and joking. Sometimes that is tears and laughter. But always it is safe and loving.

I haven’t always felt this calm. I haven’t always felt this, this, this whatever it is that I am becoming now. I dont’ think this writing has captured the feelings that I am feeling of letting be and becoming. This new feeling of independence, trepidation, excitement, and power that is coursing through me. I am waiting and creating. I am letting myself be while becoming and making myself into something new. Something powerful. More powerful.

It has made MFR preparation even more powerful although it still feels muted in comparison to the past. But that quieting is not wrong or bad, just different. Different is beautiful. Different is juicy.

I’m here. I am at the farm. I stand in the field of the parking lot. I see the hills and the clover that is growing all over it. It is beautiful. It won’t be as dusty this year. It won’t be as hot. It won’t be many things. It will be amazing. it will be full of love. It will be full and juicy. They are coming. I can see the cars and the rv’s and the tents and the wagons. I can see the safety vests and the canopies and the diverse and delightful women. They are coming to me. They will find me. I will find them. We will see each other. We will rise. Together we will rise.

#mfrmagic2019 #yearofthemothermfr2019 #livingmybestlife #sistertimeinthepines

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