I don’t really think I should tell my story about peeing in public. I don’t think you would really be thrilled to know any of my peeing stories. I’m pretty sure that you are probably surprised that I have multiple funny peeing stories. I mean, is it common to have peeing stories, not to mention PUBLIC peeing stories! but yes, yes I do have multiple private and peeing stories.
I think the first peeing story I remember is when I was out with some peeps in high school. We were booze cruising on some back roads in Portland. Yes, booze cruising was the most popular thing to do when I was in high school in a small town. I was with my bff and 3 dudes (who the hell remembers who???) BFF and I had to go pee. It was snowy outside so we stopped and me and BFF got out of the car and squatted. I peed quickly, like I always did (I grew up in a biggerish family and we only had one bathroom so we always were hurrying, plus it was cold outside!) I hurriedly pulled up my pants and got back into the car. The dudes thought they were funny and they backed up so they saw bff squatting and then struggling to pull up her pants. I laughed but felt bad for her. But also felt very thankful that I was not the one to get caught with my pants down. #peefast
I have been pregnant 8 times. Eight times I have had my bladder pressured and squeezed. Eight times my bladder was beaten upon and didn’t have enough room to expand. I do a lot of kegels. I do. Yet, I still have urinary incontinence and urgency on a quite regular basis. Not to mention, I am a damn 50 year old woman. I gotta pee. A lot. Sorry not freaking sorry. #whenyagottagoyago
Since I was pregnant so many times, there were many occasions in which I had the urgency to go and there wasn’t an accessible public bathroom that I could use. I got creative in my peeing endeavors.
I can squat and pee before you even pull the car over to the side of the road. I can squat and pee before you unbuckle your belt. I can squat and pee before you finish your cigarette. I can squat and pee so dang fast, you would mightily impressed, let me tell ya. #peeingpower #peeingchampion #strongthighs
A couple of years ago, I discovered how easy it is to pee when you have something on the opposite side of the car blocking you. Open front and back passenger doors, go between them and you can squat and pee, wipe, don’t drop it and leave it, take it with you, pull up pants, stand up, walk around the car and get back in the driver’s seat. Yup. I actually did that on an on ramp to I75 heading into Troy at 7am on a Tuesday morning. Easy PEEasy.
I had a most excellent peeing adventure this past weekend in the safe space with my bestie and my other tribe sisters. I don’t think I am ready to share it but suffice it to say, you would be shocked, appalled and belly laugh at it all at the same time. I might tell you if you ask me in person. Some things should never be written down and only become oral legend. #shesaidoral #lesbianoral #findingthejuicy
I think the point of all of this is that I don’t do stuff “normally”. I see things differently and am willing to try things differently if it might work better. I don’t desecrate things. I don’t litter. I don’t always follow rules. Yet, I laugh a lot. This seemed to be a juicy thing to write about, just something different and lighthearted. It reinforces my #findingthejuicy about every aspect of my life. The times when I took chances make me laugh at myself and make me proud. I live juicy.
Living juicy is now scientifically proven to make you healthier. Watch this video to see how it’s not enough to stay healthy to just eliminate stress. Eliminating stress takes you to zero, baseline. But if you are HAPPY and finding joy and gratitude, you go into “positive” zone in which you become healthier, more profitable, and more abundant. #findingthejuicy is the way to go. Get happy. Get juicy. Get thankful. Get joyful.