I shared yesterday about #7’s adventures with her boyfriend and my adventures at letting go and trusting that all I have tried to teach my spawns, they have learned. Will they turn out all right? And by all right, I mean, will they be productive members of society, will they be kind, loving, compassionate, giving, and considerate of others? Will they be hard working, self-reliant, independent, and motivated to excel in whatever they pursue?
My track record on raising “successful” children is pretty good. Out of 8 children, I have 7 of them graduated. two of them have (at least) a bachelor’s degree from college. one of them is practicing as a nurse practitioner (masters). One of them (#3) is in Texas A&M pursuing a doctorate in inorganic chemistry (who are these people???) #4 is living independently in Las Vegas living her dream. #5 is almost done with nursing school. #6 is pursuing criminal justice. #7 just graduated. For the most part, they are responsible, kind, caring, compassionate, hard working people. I have done well. Now if I can just not kill #8.
The youngest of my brood is a quirky fucker. Yes, I call my children fuckers. I am not that mom that waxes poetically about how wonderful my children are without also recognizing that they are sub-human for most of their teenage years. While I love them all and mostly like them, I also know that they can be beastly people during certain phases of their life. I am living through that time now.
All of my sons (I have 3) have grown to hate me. I am not a perfect mom or person and so I have made parenting mistakes. Not intentionally but still, I have hurt my children while I was hurting (after my divorce, I had a pretty significant mental breakdown, although I was never diagnosed or treated, it happened). I made mistakes. So when my oldest son started hating me when he turned 16, I took on all of the guilt of a single mother. I was beat up emotionally by myself and others. That’s a long time ago and for the most part I have forgiven myself for those rotten decisions. I have also come to realize that some of that shit was just not my shit. I didn’t deserve the treatment that I was given. I have come to believe that a lot of the anger and angst that my sons experience and project on me is probably a reflection of their hate for their non-present father. I could be wrong but it has happened with all of the boys but not as much with the girls (I have 5 of those f***ers). The girls go through their own teenage demon time but it wasn’t exhibited with hate for me. While the boys all hated me during that same time.
#8 is no different. When he turned 14, he slowly learned to grunt at me instead of using his verbal skills, he reverted to cave man tendencies, but only when “speaking” with me. Sigh. Not a new behavior for me to experience but sad and frustrating, just the same.
The other day, he smashed his car. Fortunately, he was unhurt, as were the passengers of the other car he hit. The car was wrecked and needed to be towed. Of course #8 didn’t listen to my directions because HE KNOWS IT ALL LIKE ALL 16 year olds. Sigh. Fuckers. His know it all attitude and his inability to listen to simple instructions coming from me cost me $200 in towing fees to get the car towed to my driveway….not even to the garage but to my driveway, which means it still has to be moved to the garage for repairs. Sigh. Fuckers.
then the shit show really started. He must have gotten frustrated and upset because now he has no car. Instead of reaching out to someone that can help him through this process (ME!), he turns into a royal asshole. Everytime I offered suggestions, he responded with meanness. When I pointed out his ticket and how important it is to pay for it, he attacked me. He has been rude, disrespectful, and just freaking mean to me. He has said awful hurtful things. For no apparent reason except to hurt me.
Bahahahahahahaha! Your older siblings have trained me well. I ignored. I stayed calm. I stayed available. And I reached out to his older brothers. The boys tend to listen to each other more than they listen to me or their sisters. I used my resources.
After several frustrating days of dealing with his snotty attitude, I am very grateful to report that he came to me and apologized. Sincerely apologized with great hugs and tears and everything. We were able to talk about potential solutions to getting him back on the road. We talked about his financial responsibilities. He might have a little of his sisters’ dramatic flair when he said, I just have to work all the time and quit football (fall sport dude) and I will get this taken care of mom. I appreciate his willingness to work his way out of this situation. But his dramatic, “I will quit football” made me laugh.
All in all, I still have hope that he will eventually be human. He hugged me. That’s a sign. he’s nice to other adults. And he has accepted 4 “side jobs” that I found for him so he can start paying me back.
Another win for this mom. I will take it.
I should have had 10 kids. By #9 and #10 I will be a pro. But it took all 8 of these spawns to get me to a point of patience, acceptance, and no, I’m not owning your bullshit teenage crap.
#teenagersarenothuman #findingthejuicy #livingmybestlife