It seems I haven’t written in quite some time and I don’t know that I have any great insight to share today. But I know that if I don’t put something down on “paper”, my head will keep me from doing it over and over. I just have to do it. I’m doing it. I’m writing about what is happening in my world. Maybe there will be some lessons. Maybe it will be rambling. But I hope it might be a little entertaining.
Motherhood sucks. Motherhood is demanding. Motherhood will suck your soul. Motherhood.
My grown daughter, at least she thinks she is grown, as a new 18 year old woman, she made the decision to meet her “boyfriend”. By boyfriend, I mean, the boy that she met online that she has been communicating with for the last 4 years. Yes, my daughter had an online boyfriend for 4 years without me being aware. Well, at least not completely aware. I was slightly aware. I knew about it but then I thought (stupidly, I guess) that I squashed it. Alas, there are way too many ways to communicate with a smartphone and their love persisted.
I got a text from her a couple weeks ago, “J is going to be in town from 18-23rd, and I’m going to stay with him”. Well. Allrighty then. He was coming in to to town to see her graduate. She is 18. She went on birth control 3 months ago. She was planning for this. She comes to me to say, basically, I am going to be having sex with my online boyfriend for 5 days, cool, kay, mom? Well shit. I responded with hurt, worry, and mommy want of control, “okay, so cool, I guess you are moving out”. I get this in reply, “okay, mom. I’m 18 years old. I’m moving out in 3 months. I have no place to go but if you want to kick me out right now, I have no place to go”.
She’s absolutely right. And what is my point? What is my end goal here? To control her? To keep her safe? What did I really want for my daughter? I want her to be a loving, passionate, smart, independent, driven, and motivated woman. I want her to be a woman that stands up for herself and things she believes in. I want her to have a voice and the strength to use it. AND I want her to live a passionate, joyful, and juicy life. Truth be told, I don’t even care if my daughter is having sex. IF she is safe, I want her to LIVE and having young, passionate sex is LIVING!!! I didn’t respond to her text. Yet.
Two weeks later, she sends me a text, “so what do you think mom”.
“What do ya mean, child???”
She asked me what I thought about her spending the time with J. I responded, “I think you should clean the bathroom”. Ummmm, okay? And? “Condoms are the only protection against sexually transmitted diseases”. Ummmm, okay??? And????? “I think you should have him over for dinner on Thursday night”. Okay, mom.
That’s how it happened that I met the online boyfriend. It wasn’t a scary, creepy, predator. He was a nerdy teenager that seemed to really care about my daughter. It wasn’t comfortable when they left together at the end of the dinner but i tried to stay cool. It wasn’t comfortable. Letting my daughter become a woman isn’t always comfortable when she makes decisions that **I** don’t feel comfortable with but it’s not my life, is it now?
But that’s exactly what I am hoping to model for my children, how to be independent, loving, kind, accepting, and willing to let someone be right where they are on their terms. I don’t accept all that they do but I love them and accept them for doing themselves.
I forgot to mention that during this love fest, in fact, the very first day of the love fest, on the way from the bus stop, Ms. Thang blew the engine in her car. Yes. Sigh. How many engines have I replaced? Oh let me count the quarts of oil.
#letthembe #gettinggrown #momlife #teenagersthinktheyaregrown #findingthejuicy
There is more to the tales of motherhood that have happened in the last week. I will save #8’s story of doom, gloom, despair, and crunched plastic for tomorrow’s blog.
Motherhood has taught to me to relax. To accept things right where they are, to get flexible and creative in solutions, and to always remember they will grow up eventually. They will become human and adult sooner than I realize. I think I’m finally ready. It only took 7 kids. I should be a pro by number 8.