HECK YES, I’m BLESSED

I had a major panic attack today. My head started bulging and I thought it would explode all over my office. Yeah, my office. I got an office. That’s pretty cool, yes? It is pretty cool. It’s not the prettiest. It’s not as nice as my last office. Yet, I love it more. I have to share my office with the care coordinator. It’s wonderful.

My head didn’t explode all over the office or the care coordinator and for that I am really thankful. My chest started filling and got tight and it hurt so badly. It felt like what I would think a heart attack would feel like. Pain spreading across my chest, I could hardly breathe. My face filled with pressure. I thought it would burst.

I breathed. I think the anxiety was caused by feelings of hurt and betrayal that I am still processing. And processing. And processing. When I think I am getting better and the hurt and grief is starting to fade, I find out a new little tidbit that smashes me in the gut and in the heart and I get overwhelmed with hurt and anxiety. Again.

I dreamed about it last night. I was having an event. there was a stage but it wasn’t MFR. I had some people that I don’t know who they were but they were performers or an integral key to the production. I didn’t see them but then someone gave me a bag. Something in that bag revealed them for being not good people. Whatever it was revealed that those people were traitors and not on my team. Then it flashed to the main traitor and she pulled off her clothes to reveal different clothes that somehow indicated to me that she was a “sheep in wolves’ clothing”. She then started terrorizing a local sister. the sister didn’t want to be involved but she was being controlled and terrorized. I didn’t recognize the wolf in my dream but I did recognize the sister that was being terrorized. It was awful. It was stressful. It was hard to shake that dream and even 8 hours after waking up, I remember it. #payattention #allwillberevealed

Even though I am feeling anxious, I am thankful that I have the tools and the resources to work through my panic attacks.

I know how to do deep breathing.

Deep breathing is one of the best ways to lower stress in the body. This is because when you breathe deeply, it sends a message to your brain to calm down and relax. The brain then sends this message to your body. Those things that happen when you are stressed, such as increased heart rate, fast breathing, and high blood pressure, all decrease as you breathe deeply to relax.
The way you breathe affects your whole body. Breathing exercises are a good way to relax, reduce tension, and relieve stress.
Breathing exercises are easy to learn. You can do them whenever you want, and you don’t need any special tools or equipment to do them.
You can do different exercises to see which work best for you.

https://www.uofmhealth.org/health-library/uz2255

I know how to be mindful.

Whenever you bring awareness to what you’re directly experiencing via your senses, or to your state of mind via your thoughts and emotions, you’re being mindful. And there’s growing research showing that when you train your brain to be mindful, you’re actually remodeling the physical structure of your brain.
The goal of mindfulness is to wake up to the inner workings of our mental, emotional, and physical processes.

https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/

I know how to redirect my thoughts and reframe the self talk that might be causing my anxiety.

I also use yoga to help me get through my anxiety attacks. With using a combination of deep breathing, mindfulness, and bringing that to movements that stretch me, I able to calm myself and get out of the anxiety attack quicker. Although, in the moment it feels like it will never end and I might just die or at the very least, I will explode all over and I will never be able to put the pieces back together.

I also practice emotional freedom technique (EFT) and know that is very useful for getting me out of whatever emotional turmoil I am experiencing, WHEN I REMEMBER TO USE IT!

What is EFT tapping?
Emotional freedom technique (EFT) is an alternative treatment for physical pain and emotional distress. It’s also referred to as tapping or psychological acupressure.
People who use this technique believe tapping the body can create a balance in your energy system and treat pain. According to its developer, Gary Craig, a disruption in energy is the cause of all negative emotions and pain.
Though still being researched, EFT tapping has been used to treat people with anxiety and people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

https://www.healthline.com/health/eft-tapping

I have many, many tools in my arsenal. I have worked for years in mental health and on my mental health. Yet, i still blow a gasket and my face melts from anxiety. I have many resources in my community to turn to for support. I have wonderful friends and a loving tribe. And still I experience ridiculous anxiety attacks. I have a great job and a home and great kids. Still, I live through many anxiety attacks. I have so many blessings. Yet, I still get overwhelmed with panic and anxiety.

See how that works???? Even with all the tools, a safety net, supportive friends, and community, I still experience debilitating anxiety. For most people, we tend to deny or minimize these experiences. We think we can just think our way out of it. And yes, when I use my tools, I can get out of it. But it wasn’t easy. And it doesn’t always stick. And I have to keep working at it over and over and over. It is a process. Not a destination.

It’s hard to remember that when we are in the thick of mental illness with ourselves or with a family member. It’s time now to become more aware and help those that can’t always help themselves. All of these tools are effective in solo or in combination. Sometimes it takes more. Sometimes we need medication. There is no shame in that. It is another tool in our toolbox.

#supporteachother #anxietyisreal #nojoke #beloving #dobetter #findyourtools #findingthejuicy

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