Day 1 of (ME) Fall in love with me more

Happy Funday Monday. I am not going to sell myself that story that Monday has to be tough. I started it off with some good energy doing the first day of my Kundalini challenge (for the 4th time through!!!) I still love it and it still gets my morning started off with the right current of energy.

I enjoyed my drive in to work today. It is nice to drive in good weather and enjoy my thoughts. I meditated on abundance today. Abundance in my home life, abundance in my work life, and abundance in my personal life.

I’m thankful for being able to see those blessings. I’m especially thankful that I started out the day that way. I have been trying to reprogram my routine so the first thing I do ISN’t rolling over and getting connected with the outside world. I leave my phone alone until I sit down with my cup of coffee. I read somewhere that by tuning in to the emails, texts, facebook first thing in the morning, I am starting my day off in reaction mode. Which isn’t the tone I want to set for the day.

I start off with meditating first, going through the 6 phase meditation. It gives me a good frame work to embrace all of the qualities and goals for my life: compassion, gratitude, forgiveness, visions of a great future, my perfect day, and asking for a blessing. I needed that all to sustain me today.

I felt a little discombobulated today because I am disconnected from someone that I should be connected to. That left me feeling out of sorts. Which was already happening since today I was “on my own” at my new job. Compounded “out of sorts”.

I was not comfortable today. I was trying to figure out my new role and my new tasks. i didn’t have a lot of training. I am still finishing online training but they aren’t that helpful. They are completely out of context and it’s hard to tie the two together. I kept up my spirits because of course it is going to be uncomfortable. I am never comfortable asking for help. I just feel dumb and that I should already be getting it. Then I go in to my standby insecure mode and feel like I might lose my job because I’m incompetent and not good enough. Fuck. Once again, I am rumbling with those stupid stories I tell myself: I AM ENOUGH. I am valuable. I give value, I receive value. I will continue to repeat that to myself. Every day. I am enough.

Normally when I am feeling uncomfortable, I am looking to my person for reassurance. That isn’t an option. I need to dig deep. I need to remember my strength. I mean, I just knew it and claimed it YESTERDAY. I didn’t seek it from an external source. I went to Mother.

I went to the farm. I went to Mother Earth. Although my brain told my body that it was too weary to do it and go work at the farm. My body said, “suck it up buttercup, I got you. This will help.” My body can be wise sometimes. And my spirit is wise for listening to her.

A good friend, not a super close friend but a friend in the community passed today. She was an elder in the community. She was a straight shooter that believed in women. I was sad that she left us. She loved being outdoors when she had enough spoons. I dedicated my work at the farm to her today. She might not have been able to do the work I was doing but she would have cheered me on and been a great fan.

Although I was tired, it was a clean minded tired. Does that make sense? Sometimes when I want to wash the weary off and get away from my stress, I will ride the quad or ride “bitch” on a motorcycle and just be in the fresh air and blow it away from me. I didn’t have that today but the sweat of feeding the chipper in the pines cleansed my soul. Rest in peace DMS. You will be missed.

I needed that time with Mother. Because the shit storm got strong when I left the farm.

I was confronted with gossip, lies, and falsehoods about me and my business. I am thankful for the ones that brought it to my attention. I am thankful for my friends and allies that questioned the validity of the statements. I stand by my actions knowing that I was honest and operate and live in integrity. But the lies hurt. It hurts more that people, smart people, believe the statements without question. That hurts a lot.

Yet, I will rise. I have vented. I have asked for help. I have asked for guidance. I have asked for a blessing. I will act with compassion. I will be grateful for my blessings and true friends. I forgive you for your lies. I forgive you for your malicious behavior. I forgive the others for not questioning the lies. I forgive and let it go. I visualize a more loving community that does not have to believe lies. I visualize a more loving and peaceful community that will gently love its members even when calling them out for their bad behavior. I will envision my perfect day in that more loving community that uplifts, supports, but does not buy into some malicious bullshit without questioning intention and validity. I ask for the blessings of all higher powers to protect me from evil and harm. I ask for the blessings of the Goddess to protect us all from harmful ones.

#iwillrise #integrity #becompassionate #iforgiveyou #iforgiveyouall #iamenough #ifounditinme #igetbywithalittlehelpfrommyfriends #findingthejuicy #livingmybestlife #amazon #livingthecleanlife

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